Sunday was great. It was a hot day but the Lord's house was nice and cool. As I spoke with my sister Holly, it was amazing how the holy spirit was pressing on my soul. He was there as I was able to encourage Holly. He was there when Adam and I spoke about our dreams and had one of the most delightful afternoons.
Who knew my muffin could be so playful. I love learning new things about my soulmate.
Well as the evening came to a close.. there we were at our kitchen table - he was working modifying a figure and I was working on a new piece. After 3 hours in our respective grooves not many actual words spoken between us, yet volumes said. As we sit and work on our dreams... it was amazing to feel the Lord cheering us in our gifts.
I missed writing so much.. and that night i realized something. That I'm going to have a book. A book of poetry..even if it's post mordem or some book that ends up on the 99ct store shelf. I am going to do it.--
So I started looking at publishers and writing contests and I entered one. I'm not expecting amazing praise. I just want to have a book that might inspire and encourage someone someday.. more than that I want my work to praise God and show the transformed life I lead.... this is not the norm for me.
Now if you've ever read my poetry, you'll see a theme of catharsis due to the painful moments in my life. I always seemed to do my best writing when working through a trial, but now I'm seeing an amazing evolution in how God has purposed me to write. I write to give him glory. As I wrap my head around this new found hunger in telling a story through God's grace in my life... I am inspired, hopeful and grateful for the voice he had given me.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Officially Mrs. Kean
This morning was spent waiting in lines to change my prior identity and name to a new one. I am excited. I will always be a Washington..so to speak because of my parents...but then again I was part Washington part Medrano anyway and now I'm adding a Kean to my list... regardless of the names I change into... my identity is found in Christ. God knows my name. I am his daughter. I just happen to be Ray and Norma's daughter also and Adam's wife... so many persona... entering into the married season is defintely interesting... Astrid Janine once Washington, often called AJ, now Kean
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
The Simplicity of The Gospel
If you have only a few minutes to share with someone the good news/ the gospel truth... what would you say.
Is the Gospel something complicated or simple. Can we actually preach to those we meet on the street or a neighbor or even a friend in a few minutes.. the truth of salvation..
Well how did you believe.. become saved.. was it through a rigorous testing of your knowledge of the old and new testament? Did you pour over the entirety of the bible and after reading until your eyes were crossed and the words blurred... did you then obtain enough knowledge to understand ... the simple truth
... that you (Astrid, etc. entire race) were in deep enmity with the Lord. In fact you rebelled against all that was and is good- your creator - God. Your opposition to the truth destroyed the relationship you could have and separated you from his love for eternity... But God rich in his mercy-- sent his son Jesus Christ ( who was and is perfect to die ( pay the price) for your wrong doings. His blood redeemed you from the wrath ( just punishment of your sins and hatred ) and saved you by his grace to be again rejoined to his family and have communion with Him.....
That's it -- that's the plan of salvation..but it's gotta be harder than believing right.. well not really.. the hard part is living having shed this old self ( enemy of God ) and living as a follower of Christ.
What brought this on you may ask...
Let's go back to approximately 2 and half hours ago.
It's 4:07 p.m. and I'm at the 99ct store shopping for soap. At about 4:25p.m. I leave having bought the soap, pasta, whoopers, and chocolate cream cheese...how is it that when you go in for soap you end up with more ( unless your my husband... more on that story later)
So usually at this 99ct store there are men and women who have donation buckets for the salvation army or a church organization. I had a dollar and well apparently God impressioned on my heart that I also had time to listen and talk to this young man who felt called to now share the Gospel.
As I began to talk with Gabriel about the Gospel, he was continuing into this path of sharing verse after verse with passion yet no connectivity, I felt compelled to share with him that I was a believer and understood the simplicity of the Gospel but asked him if he could practice and share with me what he would with an unbeliever. Gabriel was silent. He thought he was sharing the entire gospel; but all I continued to hear were scriptures and contradictions. I began to dig deep and ask Gabriel to relate to me as if I was someone who didn't understand the many doctrines he spoke of..again.. silence and a pause. I could see his desire to impart wisdom in the way that his church had trained him and in the way he believed others should know. We talked about false doctrine and how it could be decieving unless you were told the entire truth... well what exactly is that truth... If you have a limited amount of time to share with someone-- a seeker, an atheist, whoever it may be.. what can you tell them about Christ. As we continued to talk I realize an uneasiness within Gabriel's admittance in the simplicity of believing and instead I see this longing to push one to understand as much biblical knowledge as the sharer ( in this case Gabriel ) can impart on the unbeliever. What of this knowledge..does it save. Does knowing so much about the Bible and Jesus or coming to terms with various doctrines and the differences in denominations and teachings.. Does that save?
Or does Christ in his own words Repent and Believe say enough.
An interesting discussion about politics lead to the concept of humlity. Can God save you where you are or should you abandon your earthly position to recieve the gospel.. moreover.. when you have been saved does your new life warrant that you must relinquish the political position of power you once held....or does God's glory magnify when we are glorifying him in our same roles but with changed and tranformed hearts. Gabriel had to think about that.. and after i posed another senario a wealthy person who becomes saved.. does he litterally need to sell his possession and follow Christ..well maybe or maybe not. If his possession continue to keep him from serving... then yes... but what if his mansion is a place where others can benefit. Gabriel said he could make his home a church building... Using what God gives us to futher his kindgom.. in the end we are striving to live a life honoring our maker in whatever capacity he gifts to us.
I would love to share the the various tangents we came across in our discussion but at the crux of it I knew he already seen that even in my belief of the simplicity of the cross and the life we are to lead afterwards... he continued cling to the belief that was just too easy.
As we parted ways I said I would pray for Gabriel and asked him to pray for me...and reminded him that in the end the doctrines we cling onto or deny are nothing without the saving grace of believing in the Christ who death ransomed me from the hell I would be in otherwise.
Needless to say an hour or so later.. as we talked in the hot sun, as passerbys walked in and out of the store...God continued to show me the amazing truth of his presence in our lives. Despite the differences Gabriel and I have in doctrinal truths... I deeply desire that as he does share the gospel to others on his door to door walks with his church... that the it would simply be the truth.a simple truth of faith, repentance and living a new life in obedience to his word.
Is the Gospel something complicated or simple. Can we actually preach to those we meet on the street or a neighbor or even a friend in a few minutes.. the truth of salvation..
Well how did you believe.. become saved.. was it through a rigorous testing of your knowledge of the old and new testament? Did you pour over the entirety of the bible and after reading until your eyes were crossed and the words blurred... did you then obtain enough knowledge to understand ... the simple truth
... that you (Astrid, etc. entire race) were in deep enmity with the Lord. In fact you rebelled against all that was and is good- your creator - God. Your opposition to the truth destroyed the relationship you could have and separated you from his love for eternity... But God rich in his mercy-- sent his son Jesus Christ ( who was and is perfect to die ( pay the price) for your wrong doings. His blood redeemed you from the wrath ( just punishment of your sins and hatred ) and saved you by his grace to be again rejoined to his family and have communion with Him.....
That's it -- that's the plan of salvation..but it's gotta be harder than believing right.. well not really.. the hard part is living having shed this old self ( enemy of God ) and living as a follower of Christ.
What brought this on you may ask...
Let's go back to approximately 2 and half hours ago.
It's 4:07 p.m. and I'm at the 99ct store shopping for soap. At about 4:25p.m. I leave having bought the soap, pasta, whoopers, and chocolate cream cheese...how is it that when you go in for soap you end up with more ( unless your my husband... more on that story later)
So usually at this 99ct store there are men and women who have donation buckets for the salvation army or a church organization. I had a dollar and well apparently God impressioned on my heart that I also had time to listen and talk to this young man who felt called to now share the Gospel.
As I began to talk with Gabriel about the Gospel, he was continuing into this path of sharing verse after verse with passion yet no connectivity, I felt compelled to share with him that I was a believer and understood the simplicity of the Gospel but asked him if he could practice and share with me what he would with an unbeliever. Gabriel was silent. He thought he was sharing the entire gospel; but all I continued to hear were scriptures and contradictions. I began to dig deep and ask Gabriel to relate to me as if I was someone who didn't understand the many doctrines he spoke of..again.. silence and a pause. I could see his desire to impart wisdom in the way that his church had trained him and in the way he believed others should know. We talked about false doctrine and how it could be decieving unless you were told the entire truth... well what exactly is that truth... If you have a limited amount of time to share with someone-- a seeker, an atheist, whoever it may be.. what can you tell them about Christ. As we continued to talk I realize an uneasiness within Gabriel's admittance in the simplicity of believing and instead I see this longing to push one to understand as much biblical knowledge as the sharer ( in this case Gabriel ) can impart on the unbeliever. What of this knowledge..does it save. Does knowing so much about the Bible and Jesus or coming to terms with various doctrines and the differences in denominations and teachings.. Does that save?
Or does Christ in his own words Repent and Believe say enough.
An interesting discussion about politics lead to the concept of humlity. Can God save you where you are or should you abandon your earthly position to recieve the gospel.. moreover.. when you have been saved does your new life warrant that you must relinquish the political position of power you once held....or does God's glory magnify when we are glorifying him in our same roles but with changed and tranformed hearts. Gabriel had to think about that.. and after i posed another senario a wealthy person who becomes saved.. does he litterally need to sell his possession and follow Christ..well maybe or maybe not. If his possession continue to keep him from serving... then yes... but what if his mansion is a place where others can benefit. Gabriel said he could make his home a church building... Using what God gives us to futher his kindgom.. in the end we are striving to live a life honoring our maker in whatever capacity he gifts to us.
I would love to share the the various tangents we came across in our discussion but at the crux of it I knew he already seen that even in my belief of the simplicity of the cross and the life we are to lead afterwards... he continued cling to the belief that was just too easy.
As we parted ways I said I would pray for Gabriel and asked him to pray for me...and reminded him that in the end the doctrines we cling onto or deny are nothing without the saving grace of believing in the Christ who death ransomed me from the hell I would be in otherwise.
Needless to say an hour or so later.. as we talked in the hot sun, as passerbys walked in and out of the store...God continued to show me the amazing truth of his presence in our lives. Despite the differences Gabriel and I have in doctrinal truths... I deeply desire that as he does share the gospel to others on his door to door walks with his church... that the it would simply be the truth.a simple truth of faith, repentance and living a new life in obedience to his word.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Wedding Pictures
Hey I finally got my wedding pictures.. YAY!! Just wanted yall to know and to throw one up for your viewing pleasure
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Hmmm Healthy..
Hmmmm. That maybe be true.. though I'm pretty sure there are healthy people that die young everyday.. I'm not here to debate the issue... just realizing that I'm tired of abusing my body and really it's not mine to abuse... It's God's temple to do whatever he wants with it.
Lately I've been convicted to really get down to the nitty gritty and lose that 20 lbs. I've been trying to lose these last 6-8 years. Well here goes. Before I got married my lovely thin physician's assist said I needed to lose 20 lbs. by December.. Not unreasonsable. Ok after the wedding I'll start eating better. So that didn't work out. I'm realizing my love of food is strong... but not stronger than the fact that I need to be healthier overall for my family.. for my husband.. the youngin that he is.
Here we go again and well hopefully this time it sticks.. I've always been able to lose 5 lbs here and there but then I get complacent and unmotivated.. well make goals Astrid.. Yeah did that. But I think now more than the goal of a specific BMI or weight on a scale.. I realize my body is mad at me. It is furious in fact with my lack of care... which translates to my idolatry of food, laziness and lack of discipline. Seems harsh but unfortunately true. It seems like people are pushing healthy, but to be honest we are the number one obsese nation in the world. We push perfection but when we aim for those unattainable standards we eat ourselves to death... or don't eat ourselves to death.
I don't have an unhealthy relationship with food, but I realize I do not have the best perspective on health. Health is different from beauty. Beauty happens to trigger these unrealistic standards by which we govern our bodies. Women especially - myself included at times.. but as I have been reading various excerpts from Jonathan Edwards on beauty -- we humans have askewed view of what God created to magnify and glofiry himself. Beauty is in the eye of our Lord's eye. He created us in his image and said we were good, therefore God thinks we are beautiful... what happens to this form is our responsibility and God requires us to maintain it for his glory.
I guess I've just been mindful of the fact that I have been robbing God of his glory when I say I don't care about the condition of my body... not talking about image here. For remember we were fearfully and wonderfully made... uniquely..so looking different is good.. it is the vessel only and more importantly this vessel is made to work for him.
What it all boils down to is.. my heart on the issue of health. My heart has been clouded with images of falsehood and even as I've known there needs to be a healthier me-- I've rebelled because of the work required to get there. But with everything that God has given us -- work is invovled. We are constantly in need of working out our salvation... meaning we need to be active and not sedentary in our lives..
Hmmm and you though this was gonna be me complaining about how fat I am... well I'm not.. No more compliants and hopefully if you're reading this.. you too are encouraged as whatever health range you are now... to be better... for the work that God has prepared for you will be hard... but it will be worth it.
Lately I've been convicted to really get down to the nitty gritty and lose that 20 lbs. I've been trying to lose these last 6-8 years. Well here goes. Before I got married my lovely thin physician's assist said I needed to lose 20 lbs. by December.. Not unreasonsable. Ok after the wedding I'll start eating better. So that didn't work out. I'm realizing my love of food is strong... but not stronger than the fact that I need to be healthier overall for my family.. for my husband.. the youngin that he is.
Here we go again and well hopefully this time it sticks.. I've always been able to lose 5 lbs here and there but then I get complacent and unmotivated.. well make goals Astrid.. Yeah did that. But I think now more than the goal of a specific BMI or weight on a scale.. I realize my body is mad at me. It is furious in fact with my lack of care... which translates to my idolatry of food, laziness and lack of discipline. Seems harsh but unfortunately true. It seems like people are pushing healthy, but to be honest we are the number one obsese nation in the world. We push perfection but when we aim for those unattainable standards we eat ourselves to death... or don't eat ourselves to death.
I don't have an unhealthy relationship with food, but I realize I do not have the best perspective on health. Health is different from beauty. Beauty happens to trigger these unrealistic standards by which we govern our bodies. Women especially - myself included at times.. but as I have been reading various excerpts from Jonathan Edwards on beauty -- we humans have askewed view of what God created to magnify and glofiry himself. Beauty is in the eye of our Lord's eye. He created us in his image and said we were good, therefore God thinks we are beautiful... what happens to this form is our responsibility and God requires us to maintain it for his glory.
I guess I've just been mindful of the fact that I have been robbing God of his glory when I say I don't care about the condition of my body... not talking about image here. For remember we were fearfully and wonderfully made... uniquely..so looking different is good.. it is the vessel only and more importantly this vessel is made to work for him.
What it all boils down to is.. my heart on the issue of health. My heart has been clouded with images of falsehood and even as I've known there needs to be a healthier me-- I've rebelled because of the work required to get there. But with everything that God has given us -- work is invovled. We are constantly in need of working out our salvation... meaning we need to be active and not sedentary in our lives..
Hmmm and you though this was gonna be me complaining about how fat I am... well I'm not.. No more compliants and hopefully if you're reading this.. you too are encouraged as whatever health range you are now... to be better... for the work that God has prepared for you will be hard... but it will be worth it.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Qualifications
So I'm starting the job seach process and about 20 minutes I'm trailing off to craiglist antiques and free curbside alerts... grr. I feel like i'm just stuck in a box and I'm not qualified for much.. ok so the answer is school... yeah and another loan and time still being in a job where I'm pretty much done with... so what to do... get qualified.. for what. jury is still out. I think I need to write my way out of this... maybe there's a story here.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Itch
When you are on the verge of the natural process of escaping your personal staus quo situation --- then my friends you are experiencing an itch. There are two ways to scratch this itch.
1. You carefully assess the nature of the itch and attack--- fighting so to speak. This doesn't mean all out knock out drag out... but the willingness to stick it out...Fighters are rare and often hurt in the end or win... it depends on the severity of the itch
2. You do what most people do... over or under analyze the itch and after speaking to a number of people who are also experiencing their own personal itch you... flee.
So al this talk about itches and still no concrete definition.
An Itch is subjective. Itches are these frenzied or not so frenzied moments in your life when you are contemplating a desire to do drastic changes but are afraid if the results of the ripples...
Some are good at scratching these itches and coming out with an amazing "boot straps" made for TV triumphant story... then there's the rest of us... where it takes a considerable amount of years before we really do anything about the itch.
My current itch and a perpetual itch is the " What the heck am I gonna do with my life itch."
Sounds dramatic and yet aren't you thinking this may be an itch you've had to come to terms with.. of course it is. It's the Life Itch...
Here's the plan of attack usually.
Do something to sustain life as long as possible with the least restrictive means
Translation: Worship -- Work -- Live---
Sounds hideously boring.. But it isn't because the dashes comply a wide spectrum of itches all in themselves
Worship -- ( These two dashes after worship represent the ministry itch in my life)
As I delight in my Lord on a daily basis and realize that there is so much more to life than the action words but there are these lovely adjectives and adverbs that necessitate the very richness of our lives.
Worship- Do this Astrid because you are commanded and because God desires you to long for him and because he created you.
How then - boldly, eagerly, lovingly, constantly, prayerfully, with urgency...
Then there's the what do I actually do with this question complied in the itch-- after the nagging sensation of trying to reconcile what gifts God has given that I may use them to the benefit of his glory... call me a persistent self antagonist.. I realize now on the verge of turning 30 in a month and a half-- that there are specific things I am fairly good at... unfortunately I'm am also aware of the specific things with which I lack ability.
I am an encourager, writer, helper.
My itch tells me that I need time. Time is not something I manage well...
My itch says I need ambition- also not a Astrid characteristic.
So here the itch-- just barely underneath the surface of my skin pricking its way and for the most part I do a dance with this particular itch where I subdue it while indulging my gifts and seemingly moving in the right direction..but then i realize the itch has resurfaced and I'm still asking the same questions... stay tuned for answers as I am prayerfully seeking God's will in working out this itch for a longer term---
Next itch-
Work-- ( These two dashes represent my career itch)
Current status-- enjoy and like job but not life's passion
Many have jobs, several have careers but I want to live and love the work I do each day... Wishing I was one of those kids that at the age of 3 new they wanted to be a doctor, cop, insurance agent, baker, pastor, internationally renown flautist... but alas.. i was a flighty wistful dreamer kid who well is still hoping to spend their life doing their life's passion and not be starving..
Itch says come on just leave... practicality says find a replacement first
Itch says replacement won't be satisfying--- practicality says... hmmm bills, food, Adam's face.
This itch usually resurfaces every 2-3 years and says time for something you really want to do...
So there it is...
As I am enjoying my new season of being a wife and loving my husband these nagging itches continue to cause noticeable bumps in the avenues of my thinking and I'm ready to scratch a plan of attack and move forward.... well I think I am
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