A Servant's Heart

So I've been learning an amazing lesson. God has been not so gently tuggin at my heart about my sour atttitude lately concerning many things in my life. First there's the relationship with my moms. She and I are at an empass as to what we are going to do with our lives. Frustrated, tired, helpless, I am literally failing each day. My heart aches to think I cannot encourage my mother. I wake up thinking God what can I do and he says trust me... but then I don't. I trust to a point and that's horrible, I think of how I can help but it's never enough. I don't measure up. Then I give in to lavishing myself in my favorite sins. Lately it's been so hard to care for people to have compassion especially with my mother. I've even had doubts with my role in the ministries at church. I hate that the devil is trying so hard to split my attention. So here's the thing. I still have this insatiable need to help but I've been torn as to what my Lord needs me to do. I keep asking, praying,beating at the door trying to figure out what his plan or even an inkling of what he wants me to do. i feel so lost... my road is dusty and the storm surrounding keeps my eyes from seeing clearly.. I want to see so badly what he has for me. I have been moping around and feeling sorry for myself when I don't really have anything to complain about. I know the work is hard and I know that I must perservere... so here we are learning that serving is sacrifice.. not having known true sacrifice I have yet to serve... here's hoping my heart will change.