It's wednesday afternoon and I just got thru watching a pretty good movie called Flash of Genius. Long story short- real life piece about a man- Mr. Robert Kerns who invented the intermitten wind sheild wiper which Ford soon after stole and claimed as their own. So after 12 years of fighting with Ford to have them own up to their stealing his invention he wins. He wins a whopping 10 million dollars- he loses time with his family. His wife leaves him about 4-5 years into the fight-he misses seeing his kids grow up. they come to help him in the end... and all for what- for hope. Wow so it's pretty interesting and fantastic how he stuck to his morals. He only wanted what was rightfully his... credit. He wanted the recognition due him. Now I thought this was pretty good -sorry to those of you planning on renting or thought about seeing and I've given it a way.. but hey still watch it. It seems as if mentioning this does not relate to my title.. it does.
What are the what if identities. well for me it's this whole big world of possible things Astrid could do but is scared to. What if I decided to teach-- those of you who know me- know this is not a dream of mine-- frankly i'd prolly be a crappy teacher-- i think that's a pretty special job for people with far more patience with me.. but what if that was in the possibility box... well I'd have trouble bringing that to fruition b/c my mind is so scattered and unfocused right now. Tie back into the movie-- ok one thing I found sadly heroic about Mr. Kerns was his unwillingness to end this battle. I mean talk about focus. I think I understand his wife's reasoning but I also ascribe to the fact that she should have stayed with him because if she married him for better or worse-- and this was a for worse time-- she prolly should have stayed. as for him well it's his family he should have been thinking about when he decided to invest so much of his life to this crusade he should have tried harder to keep them intact. So his focus. How is it that some of us are so driven and so focused that no matter what we seem to accomplish what it is we think we need to do...i say it in these terms because i'm not truly sure if we do know-- but those who do endure have the satisfication of finishing. So i'm in the other box. i've been chasing dreams all my life and still unsure of what i need to do. --- hence the what ifs.
I'm always trying to take a vacation from myself -- pray or meditate or sit for hours on end to come to the sad relazation that i don't have time -- and the day is short... Today when I woke up all I wanted to do was call in sick--untruthfully, grab 3 half-way read books and go to the beach... but dang the responsible side of me kicked in. You know i've never played hookie-- when I call in sick- i'm actually sick :-(...
So back to dream chasing. I'm still there but I also feel that settling for something I'm going to hate is not me either.. Luckily I'm not someone who needs an exhorbitant amount of sucess to feel good. I just want to know if I'm on the right path.
So my next blog will consist of a to do list... we all have them. Things we want to do b4... whatever your deadlines are.. well my to-do list is super long and some things are very unrealistic... but i'm gonna shorten the list here in the next few days and i really want realistic pursuits.. some of these things i'll write and already have crossed out. i'm tired of making lists that never get done
Todays' list- 4/29
Put prayer group together/list of requests
Make necessary calls
Write/Call people in various ministries
Read a chapter in Decision Making
50 squats
So there's a list i think I can tackle. Here goes
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