So Divorce... yikes. Not me.. don't fret my faithful followers. I'm 10 months in and I've so much to learn but I am in it for the long haul. I start this after a week of contemplating, praying and realizing that this marriage thing is real work. Real hard work... but it sure is worth it. I love my husband so much and I know that whatever we weather in hardships in our marriage we are going to work in out... as God intended.
So friends... in need. Well lets start with the probability of divorce. It's interesting because prior to my friend contacting me about the possibility of her divorce, I heard on the radio that those who have a history of cohabitation and marry afterwards have a higher percentage of ending up in divorce. Why is it that people who for years of living together when they marry all of a sudden can't stick it out.. I think it truly has to do with how we view the institution of marriage. I think that society has this very jaded, weak and wrong view of marriage. Please note I am stepping on my soap box but will end with theology and hopefully a renewed perspective on this ultimately a love letter from God in the form of a relationship between two flawed beings
Soap Box- Why do we find ourselves being okay with lowering our moral standards? We are too judgmental people will often say. We and when I mean we I mean the protestant community. Us with our bibles and on our high horses saying that these choices aren't right. We who want to redeem marriage and see the anticipation of lovers uniting on their wedding night.
Not so sacred anymore. Willingly we as in society let anyone in our door. Say that learning to live with someone takes practice and and so we by pass the ring and think playing house before the "I do's" relieves the sting. Wrong. the practice is superficial, surface level kids stuff that doesn't let the hard facts of truth and endurance show its face. The commitment before we run the race is tethered with uncertainty, disillusionment and a happenstance fate. What makes the golden 50 and the sweet 60 so hard to attain. These decades and decades of marriage all with work.. It's not just refusing to delay the satisfaction of sex, no that's a small part. What's real and offense its what's next. It's having a firm foundation in Christ and having his self-sacrificial standard of marriage. Knowing the example of how God sent his son to die for his bride the church. The intimacy of this love. A glimpse we're given when we have our spouse.
Society wake up. You see the benefits financially and the merger as if it's a business deal, right to inherit power, prestige or the lovey dovey rose colored feel - which lasts 5 seconds till the honeymoon is over. Well I'm over this. I'm no longer going to be okay with the marriage breaking down because you can't handle the life you're given. We need to redeem this beautiful gift. Stop sitting. It's time to dig deep, roll up your sleeves and shift. Done.
So this is the non ranting portion of my commentary.
My heart broke on Monday morning when my friend call me and said that she was probably going to end up in a divorce. As I digested and she poured out her heart, I knew the Lord was preparing me to minister to her and encourage her. My friend Ang has been married for 7 years and me a mere barely 10 months. What could I say that beneficial. How could I help and friend in this need other than to tell her I loved her and pray. My heart was in such sorrow for I knew that this would be a tough time, not because of the circumstances only but because of the lack of support. Support isn't a circle of friends or family who are there to tell you you are going to be okay. Support is real. It's someone to lean on and cry with. It's supernatural. Ang doesn't have a relationship with God and this will be hard in those days when the day is a muted gray and there is no sunshine, because you have no hope. God is what brings that to us. God brings amazing hope and strength when everything else is so bleak. Ang was going to have a rough time working on her divorce unless I said something. God says witness and testify about me and who I am and since Monday I have felt his call to encourage my beloved friend with passages that will encourage and challenge and draw her to Christ. I am praying daily that in the midst of working on her marriage that divorce is not how it will end... but as I've written to her I am praying that more than anything she will trust in God and have a relationship with the only one - who can begin to give her peace and strength. I am praying for the salvation of my friend, her husband and her kids. Only acknowledging that we are in need of a savior and a change in our lives to depend on a God who wants our worship, praise and honor will we realize that these trials are also a gift of God's grace to refine us... Ang doesn't know this yet, but God is calling her.
You know that Monday morning.. it's been a week now and I am not one to answer my phone... but when God wants to use you. You pick up the phone, listen and love. God continues to amaze me as I am being stretched to a place of compassion I never knew could exist.
Please those of you who read this pray for my friend and her salvation, her husband and his willingness to work on their marriage, he salvation , their kids' salvation and that God protects their daughters from any hurt and pain. Thank you in advance.
Also since Ang and I have been e-mailing, texting and talking she has been more curious about the bible, taking her kids to church and open to her kids believing and having hope. I am thankful for God's drawing her to him and the holy spirit convicting her. There will be more conversations to come. Pray I have words of wisdom-- aka not my words and that I am a good friend.