What today should be about-- My quarterlife crisis on an otherwise beautiful windy day.

Though I was channeling the past couple of days of frustration and anger.. today was good. I talked to one of my oldest best friends Kyana.. Miss her. It was good to talk to her and make these fun plans for the summer for a possible trip to Shreveport then to New York-- her aunt who's in daytime tv-- lives there...I hope I can go. I need a little change from the mundane life I currently lead-- not that this is reflected in anyone here in Cali-- I think I'm in that strange quarter-life crisis...So as I was talking to Kyana and waiting in line at the bank forever-- I started realizing how people are moving forward with their lives while i seem unbearably stagnant.. ok not just that realization of i have a degree and i'm doing absolutely nothing with it.. it's that i have a degree and i'm realizing maybe it's not what i want at all.. i don't know that i want stability or career-- ok that's crazy right everyone dreams of the house and ergh dare i say white pickett fence 2.3 kids and a dog named Walrus-- wally for short right? that's want i should want but i don't..- i don't know what the hell i want... but i don't want this... don't get me wrong.. living rent free with the parentals is a blessing especially with the way things are-- but i'm wondering if i'm just settling and that this comfort is what's keeping me from challenging myself in so many ways.. i want to be reckless and go.. itchy feet.. well the clarity and reality of the debt hanging over my head-- pauses me in my tracks.. but i'm still on the track unfortunately there's a giant life train about to not knock my on my ass-- and i wish it would. i've always thrive underpressure--a procrastinator's best friend if you will hell if i didn't slack thru college and do everything-- well most everything last minute i might have been even more strung out that the usual me.. and somewhat mediocre... but now that's over.. so what do i do.. career opps that have been always in the back of my head but i feel little to no experience in-- author-- don't think i'm some budding steinbeck, salinger,or even contemporaries-grisham, piper, harris,elliot-- no in my head i'm a poe/barrett browning/rand/sexton-- but i'm far to critical to show my poetry--it's crap. but a girl can dream.. ok aside from the glamour of starving artistdom.. i've also been toying with the ever friendly postal worker-- heck cute shorts and exercise everyday-- ocassional dog bites but that's ok. then there's the dangerous dream-- hockey player--but with the newly re-modeled grill i don't think so..jk really i was re-visiting the cop idea-upholding the law and all sounds so exciting, no. really i just want to wield a gun and night club...we'll we will see. i think i'm not meant to have conventional means of living but for the time being practicality is a must.. check back in a year to see if i have an interesting job update.. i better or said persons reading this entry can hit dump a bucket of water on me.