Nope it's not an invitation to fast from techno music or raves of the sort... although fasting from or altogether doing away with either isn't really a bad idea..
Ok lately I've been reading about trials in the bible and in my devos. I've been really thinking alot about how we face trials in our daily lives and whether they be minute or life-altering-- these trials are God's way of getting our attention and commanding our trust in Him and to be faithful knowing he is always faithful. Personally, I've been dealing with this whole what am I supposed to do with my life now deal and well I've realized that sitting on my bum and agonizing about the next step and going back and forth is not helping-- b/c what happens next. I then forget about my goals, think I can't achieve them, become complacent and not diligent in looking for work etc. So I'm reading about how the Lord uses trials in our lives to wake us up so to speak and get us to focus on him more and us less... right cuz when we're in a trial we are very self-absorbed..hard not to be.. I mean when was the last time we were really going thru something and immediately praised God for the good to come of it.. I don't know about you but usually my line of thinking is "Why Me?" Why Now" before the " I trust you Lord and I know this is for your glory and my good" comes out of my mouth and more importantly my heart. So here we are trial bound everyone of us...some greater trials than others but all for a purpose-- only thing is when in circumstance we don't see the purpose until it is nearly over.
I've always likes the story of Abraham and his son Issac- Hebrews 11:17- that Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son and trust in God to help him through this difficult situation. Now God has not asked me to come anywhere near sacrificing a child but he has asked me to take up my cross. I've been realizing that I'm letting it rest. My faith in God to deliver me from my current living/work situation is what is keeping me deep in the mucky waters. I am thinking somehow someday soon Astrid will find something that will change and all will be well. This is not only dangerous but foolish. So what is this getting at. Well I'm wasting it. I'm wasting my life and I'm to blame. The trials albeit small compared to many of my dear friends are by God's definition put in my life to shape me, give me strength and humble me. I am using them as a crutch for the Woe is me party and this must end.... so I was 1 tim 6:6-11 the other day several times and finally it clicked... This world has had this whole on me-- on my time that I could be using for what God wants me to do. My ambition level has dropped into the negatives as of late and it's always the same excuses- don't have the skill, or still need more school, scared of failing...but really it's b/c I'm fooling myself into thinking any of it will make me content... ok so anyone who knows me knows i'm not content with my living situation, with my job, with lots of things...but i should be. I am not w/o food, I have a place to live, clothes etc.. I am blessed-- 1 tim 6:6-8 now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we have brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. So with as much as I have indeed I should be content...more than that I have the love of Christ and the grace and mercy of his gift of salvation.
So what's this about fasting then... I say this all as a precursor to what's my dilemma. Me I'm getting in the way of my contentment. I realized how absolutely unproductive i've been well most of my life but even more so lately. I also realize that when I was taking my leave from Action House and taking the time to read and pray more--it should have been something already in my walk. So as I flounder around still I've realized I spend far too much time in idleness. So for me and my recent idol the tv I am restricting my watching to an hour if that and all those other hours of wasted time must be used for otherwise constructive outlets... reading God's word, much needed rest, exercise, etc. Discipline. For my life is what I've need and do need.
Started to do this-- reading more, writing more- letters of encouragement usually but hopefully getting back to an old passion- my poetry and short story writing. Also I've started swimming and will do so everyday weather permiting. Time is very short Ephesians 5:15-16 Look carefully then how you walk, not as the unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. 17- Therefore don't be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is. The boldness of these particular phrases remind me of what we've been learning in the Gap study of Proverbs. This is really an amazing book of understanding God's wisdom and his want for us to gain wisdom and not be foolish. I've always like that Paul says the days are evil because they are. Each day we are fighting.. literally and figuratively sometimes for our life. We are dying each and every day... but are we dying.... am I dying to myself. Then he says don't be foolish and understand what the will of the Lord is. I've been reading this really long and textbook type book called Decision Making and the Will of the Lord. It's had good nuggets of wisdom but in the end the only book that I read that will ever give me any wisdom is the Bible. This is and must be my daily bread and I should want to eat my fill of it each day. Harder said than done -- but worth doing. So in proverbs Solomon makes much mention of the fool and how his days are short, how he disgraces his father and mother, how his mouth is his ruin... The fool acts only on the knowledge he has and this is not Godly wisdom but man's knowlege. God has made it clear that if we obey him we reap the rewards-- not here on earth but in heaven. So what has he asked of me-- only that I pursue him to the fullest...
No comments:
Post a Comment