Friday, October 26, 2012

When to leave

Lately I've been seriously pondering a overhaul of my career life. Currently I am a case manager to developmentally disabled clients for an Adult Day program. There are days when I like my job... about 6 months ago I would have said love. Presently the feeling is just like. As I was saying there are days when I like my job and there are days when I fantasize about quitting on the spot. I'm sure 75 % or more of our population feels this currently or at one time or another in their lives. Well I'm in that stage...

Lately I've also been convicted about my role and what God wants me to do while I work. In previous blogs I know I've talked about having an attitude of worship while at work and reminding myself that I work ultimately to give God glory. These truths haven't changed. In these past few months there has been several changes in my life.

Life changers:
1. Married to my best friend Adam--- good change, interesting at times, a stage of discovery and understanding God's grace and love.
2. Living with my husband--- this has been fun but different. Prior to resting with my sweet husband nightly, I would sleep at the drop of a hat, anywhere anytime. No I'm realizing that I don't sleep well. Praying this will change and hoping this is mostly due to the anxiousness of when and how to leave my job. As Adam and I learn and grow together, I am excited about our journey and being able to share everything with him and I am also devastatingly aware of my selfishness in wanting my space.
3. The transition stage of doing what I am passionate about vs. having a job I do fairly well and pays the bills. This last life changer-- not yet in the change state of being but rather tip-toeing on the verge of change but knee jerking back the toes due to fear or failure or the unknown.  I must take the leap and leave one day.

How do others do this?
The question that has been looming in my mind and taking too much of my REM sleep away from me has been When to leave?

I've always been a frank person and tell people what's on my mind. I have not hidden the fact that I'm not satisfied with my job and I've told my boss that there will come a time soon when I must bid the place I've called 2nd home... work home for approximately 6 years of the last 8 years. He understands and in some ways feels the same...although I'm hoping he doesn't leave before me. It was interesting because recently we had a conversation about the state of our office and leaving on a high note... or what I'd like to think of as leaving with a legacy. I definitely would not leave the office in a state worse than when I came. I love the clients. I may not love the work anymore, but they definitely deserve to be left with the best.

When I leave it will be bitter sweet. Today we said goodbye to one of our guys who had worked there for 6 years. The week before a woman left who had been there for 4 years and only a month prior another man who had been with the company collectively 10 years.

These veterans of our work crew will be missed, but this job was not for them. When to leave... is the question they had to ask themselves prior to turning in their two weeks. Did these come with the desire to follow their dreams, pursue a more lucrative job, pursue a more worthy job of their talents or skills. Do I leave now because I have to take care of my family and this job no longer satisfies the needs of my family? Do I leave now because of the growing changes and lack of compensation to match? Do I leave now because this job is too stressful? Do I leave now because this is too comfortable and I don't want to stay here forever? Do I leave now to pursue my dreams?

How I wonder did these workers know? I feel as if there is this quiet push inside all of us that takes over and we either stifle the voice that is beckoning for use to leave or we give in hoping for the best. I've been putting the voice on hold and praying about a time where God says "Go Astrid. It's time to leave." I haven't heard that voice. I haven't felt a peace in a time to leave. I keep praying about dates and still nothing. Trust me there are days when I scream-- that's it. God wants me to leave today,  but then I allow rationality and the truth to enter in as I realize - This is not how I want to leave. In an upheaval- I want to leave quietly, with grace, leaving the office in the best condition  --As I am saying this I realize the volumes of work ahead, needing to catch up and not knowing how many months this will take.

When to leave.... I'll know because I'll be at peace and have trusted in the Lord for the next stage. Life changers...I don't want to be kicking an screaming out of this transition into the next. I want to be leaving with a joyful leap looking forward to serving God in the next phase of my worship to him.