Hey folks.. It's day three of the new year and I'm at home trying to be productive... I left work early today due the massive amounts of overtime my job does not allow me to have. So I was out at noon.. Party.. not exactly. I drove literally a block down the street to my doctor's office and waited to see if I could get in to see my doc about my crazy knee... she gave out on me yesterday like a horse about to be put down... sorry for you horse lovers but seriously I felt as if my knee was going to snap off..
The remedy for the moment- my hand held massager-- thanks honey for the Christmas gift that keeps on aiding to my failing muscles.. then a few ounces of topical pain reliever and an ibuprofen on top of that. Well results.. some pain this morning as I hobbled to work but right now it's settled..
Doctor's results.. none. After waiting 2 hours and realizing that I was at the bottom of the list after the appointments and lady with chest pain issues.. mind didn't warrant moving ahead of hers.. which I kind of understand although for a lady with chest pain she was certainly composed and relaxed reading or playing a game on her ipad.. neverthless I left and have a doc's apt on monday and hopefully an x-ray telling me that it's nothing really serious... insert prayer here my network of family and friends reading this.
Meanwhile I was listening to Dave Ramsey on the radio- and I've been meaning to get this book by John Acuff - Quitter. It's about quitting the job you have and making steps to the work you love.. hopefully this will inspire me and my darling.
To recap... Astrid's mind frame these last few months in 2012...
Yikes I don't want to be a boss... oh wait before this thought.... early November. Well Astrid is trucking along and wondering how on earth long will she have to do this job that seems never-ending in it's work and unforgiving in the arena of catching up... well I'm officially 2 months behind and going into december it looks like I'll be 3 months behind. YAY!!!! she screams sarcastically in her office as the mounds of paper cramp her feet... I like a semi-tidy desk so my paperwork finds itself south of the border in my leg nook. Resuming... as I was screaming I realized I can only do what I can in the 7 hours I'm given... so the next question is... am I doing all I can and then after that am I going above and beyond still because my work isn't just for the men and women who sign my check... it's for God... So now it's weighing heavy on my heart that my attitude although at times warranted has been sub par in the testimony department.
December. Its gonna be tough. Prior to this month starting my boss already said he'll be on leave indefintely starting the 2nd week of Dec. What?!!! Indefinitely-- this later changes to 3-4 weeks. Well at first I'm thinking, on no he's bailing, jumping ship leaving me to deal with the current state of affairs.. thanks alot.
The whole picture...what exactly does this transition mean. The whole picture isn't seen by us.. the people in the game. We are only privvy to our story lines and even then we only really pay attention to the bits and pieces that are drastically affecting us.. we often miss out on the little lighter things that should shape and surprise us.. i digress into another tale... the whole pciture meaning-- at the advent of this news I am feeling deeply stressed, overwhelmed and uncertain about my being able to take this over... of course my husband ever optimistic and encouraging -- says I'll be a great boss... Great huh. Lofty.. I was good at best and even on certain days.. I'll take fair. Meanwhile, I become the boss which is a hat I've worn before; however not in these specific circumstances of uncertainty. Usually I would have a week and now I was looking at the possibility of being the boss for an indefinite amount of time. Fast forward to the departure date. I was definitely sore, sour, self pitying and other "s" words that are applicable and well I had a hard time of hiding my disdain for the role I would be thrust into...but then I realized I don't know the whole picture.
Here's some of the picture but still not the whole.. never the whole as I a working cog and only God reveals what he wants when he desires. Here's what I saw. I saw weeks of unhappiness-- not just me but my boss. Here's what was also happening. My boss was feeling inadequate and stress having so much thrust upon him and not the time either or the resources in staff to resolve the work... well here's another thing that I missed. I have a great and gracious Lord who revives me daily with his work and renews me and provides for my soul amazing nourishment when I am worn and weary.. my boss an unbeliever has no source of hope. He needed the time to rest. I would take this time to accept my role and pray for my boss, co-workers and the company, and most of the clients that we serve.
So here we are in January.. still working at this work thing, but taking much smaller bites and coming up with a more sustaining long term goal. I know that my desire to be at my job has waned but I am there to fill this picture until another enters in and my portrait is complete and ready to be hung as a memory.
Which leads me today... Knee is worse for the wear, not much I can do but focus on the things I can do.
This is a year of ticking... ticking ticking away at the little details of life that I can manage on a daily scale and look forward to the dreams in the future I'll be able to enjoy with my husband.
There will not be a resolution list... instead we have set goals to accomplish and we will...
1. debt free in 2013
2. planning for re-entry into college
3. make my husbands dreams a possibility
4. be a healthier leaner sweeter me